Already got asked if we're dating
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
