JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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