if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
