she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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