I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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