I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
