If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
