sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
