ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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