Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
