I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
God, I missed his penis.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
