a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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