Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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