better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
