mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
