Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
