11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
