we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
