So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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