I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
