he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
