we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
