I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I need a beard to bite.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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