dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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