I must be too annoying 4 u.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
