just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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