I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
All I want is dick and wine.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
