you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
