Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(973): View more from New Jersey

Just mADE A PArabola og urine

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(806): View more from Texas

Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.

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(214): View more from Texas

My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you

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(248): View more from Michigan

Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.

(248): View more from Michigan

There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.

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(304): View more from West Virginia

Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF

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(541): View more from Oregon

And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.

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(+64): View more from New Zealand

PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN

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(604): View more from British Columbia

Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.

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