If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Randomize
