You made me cry and you don't even care
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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