Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Randomize
