theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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