my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
