i can't believe i had my finger in that
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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