she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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