Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
BRING THE BAGELS
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
