I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize