If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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