from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
