I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize