update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
