i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I love you. Go after that dick
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
