it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
