That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize