remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
The uberlube is also flammable
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
