i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize