you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
