Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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