I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
