the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
