I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
