Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
