I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
