I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
