Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
