Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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