I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
