I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
