It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
