everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
