Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I cut my penus on the lid.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
