This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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