I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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