i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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