I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
barbara walters just said penis...
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
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