I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
